i had a blessings burn-out™️, y’all. let me explain…

[balancing my new job, unfriending Instagram, & other life updates.]

okay, wow, yeah — I know, I l know. 

y’all probably thought that I abandoned my newsletter altogether, but I can explain, I promise. 

beyond starting my new role at Essence Magazine (😭), balancing all my new responsibilities, managing family dynamics, and tending to personal affairs, it’s all actually left my head spinning.

it’s like this: sometimes we can pray for new opportunities, new flames, new jobs, and new creative expansion, but one part that I would *highly* recommend adding to said prayer is for you to ask whoever you believe in to prepare for the chance that those things start to come all at once. 

& I think that’s what happened to me: I had a blessing burn-out™️, y’all. 

when I started this newsletter, I was coming off the back of one of the darkest seasons of my life. I honestly thought that I was going to remain a struggling freelancer for the foreseeable future and that I would just have to be okay with a very normal and very mediocre life.

i literally had it all planned out": I was gonna get settled in my small town, find a military guy who was ready to be my 90-day fiancè, secure a humble double-wide trailer, and start my life as a stay-at-home mother while said husband went off to tend to his second family in Korea. 

but see, God had other plans! 

March happened and after my birthday, life just started to unfold in a way that I could only dream of.

all these changes came at once and my mind was having trouble letting go of the Aley that could barely make it off the couch every day to the Aley that was living in her answered prayers — which leads me to what I want to share with you all today. 

first off: welcome back. how have y’all been? (and I mean it! leave a comment and check in on this check-in lol)

me? I’m pretty good; been maintaining, need about 1 more hour added to my day and about 3 more hours of sleep every night, but again, I’m good — (which is something that I can finally say with my chest and mean it.)

it’s sort of wild because I was looking back on some of the content that I’ve shared on IG prior to March of this year, and I realized just how much your inward emotions translate to the art that you create. because and man, my content was doing numbers when I was in the emotional gutter!

now that I’m on the other side of my depression and despair, it's pushing me to want to show up on IG differently: happier, cuter, and having more fun with this life I’ve been gifted. but I’ve had to ask myself: is happiness relatable right now? 

and I mean this for me, specifically, as a Black girl online — when there are whole platforms dedicated to our sadness and adversity.

(and have you SEEN the news lately?!@#$)

where do Black girls go to be happy and joyous outside of material goods, luxury items, subtle stunting, and IG aesthetics?

where are the spaces that amplify what it’s like to have joy in simply waking up #notsad or in having a steady paycheck? ya know… simple things like finally being able to have the platform to do what you know you’ve been called to do and that champion purpose-driven living? 

[ disclaimer: i’m not saying they don’t exist lol ]

i’ve just been searching for that type of community online and I feel like it’s shifting the way I show up because I want to be that space.

i don’t always want to talk about all the darkness that plagued me, but at times I feel like that’s what resonates. there are also times when I feel like Instagram is telling me what I should be creating instead of me listening to the inner compass that has gotten me this far on my creative journey — and I’m making the decision to change that.

what I’m learning is this: when God does that “thing” that He said He would do in your life, you have two options:

1.) you can either allow fear to keep you stuck in the place you were when you asked Him to do it…

or 2.) you can show gratitude for what that season taught you and step into the next chapter without fear or timidity that you’re gonna fumble it i.e: ✨ overcoming imposter syndrome ✨

as I’ve reflected on my blessings burnout™️, I realized that I was straddling the fence on both of those options, instead of choosing to fully embody a life where ✨ imposter syndrome ✨ has little say in how I show up in the world.

yagirlaley

A post shared by Aley | content creator + writer (@yagirlaley)

frans: we have 6 months left of 2022 and I’m tryna see how good, how sweet, how beautiful things can really get if I quit playing the fence with my old self and allow this new side of me to take her rightful place in this new season of life.

i want her to be fearless.

i want her to be bold.

i want her to feel safe enough to be her most authentic self.

i’m not discarding my “past” self, because that’s who got me to this point — and I thank her for that. but I am inviting myself to let her rest so that “present Aley” can take the reigns.

come to think of it… no wonder I was so burned out: two sides of me were fighting for the same attention and only one could win. 

so yes, you’re still gonna gentle reminders and #gemsoftheday from me, but it’s gonna speak from this side of the tunnel: where there’s light and love and Black girl joy. 

thank you for your patience as I figure all this out.

who knew that life would change the way that it has, but then again, I did pray for this, so I guess God did. 

---

BEFORE YOU GO: here’s what I’ve been up to on the gram [in the case that we’ve been disconnected by the algorithm :,) 💐]

yagirlaley

A post shared by Aley | content creator + writer (@yagirlaley)

yagirlaley

A post shared by Aley | content creator + writer (@yagirlaley)

yagirlaley

A post shared by Aley | content creator + writer (@yagirlaley)