everyone can't stay...

an end of year reflection on the process of letting go & releasing what no longer serves you.

i don’t know what it is about the end of the year that brings forth shedding, transition, and change, but it happens every year like clockwork. 

as the year ends, I always feel the need to stand before all my friends, family, career aspirations, and potential lovers like I’m Tyra Banks making elimination on ANTM (or Aley’s Next Top Mates). 

who will stay… who will go? 

but it’s always for the best, even though it hardly ever feels that way in the moment. 

ever since October, life has nudged me to take inventory of what truly matters and deserves my full love and attention. 

as you get older, you really come to understand the importance of only keeping things of substance in your life as opposed to indulging in dynamics that feel good in the moment but in the long run, have little to no nutritional value (and I’m not talking about food). 

you really start to take inventory and not just blame people for their shortcomings, but really take responsibility for how you could have moved differently and if things are worth salvaging.

sometimes, it even takes conflict, loss, or confrontation to bring things to light and reveal to you the true nature of a friendship/relationship/job/dream in order to put it in its proper place. 

this has come as a rather new understanding for me over the course of this year because I realized that one of my mechanisms to keep things copacetic is to simply not say anything at all. 

which could fall under any of the following categories:

1. to give people the benefit of the doubt. 

2. to let things roll off “like a duck’s back.” 

3. to not make assumptions.

4. to be understanding of what people have going on in their life outside you and their dynamic. 

but the more I did this, the more I was ignoring the impact of their actions.

even if it wasn’t intentional, the hurt was still there — no matter how I tried to “be the bigger person” or just let it go. 

in fact, i knew it was starting to become a bad habit (more than before) because that feeling, the one of just suppressing “the small stuff”, was actually manifesting in my body. i would have dreams about people and events that happened in my life over the last year, only to wake up with chest pains. 

it was as if my body was saying, girl, you are NAWT over this.

i literally needed to get these things off my chest. 

it’s crazy how we can ask God to show us things about people and spaces and while we’re waiting on an audio response, the answer is literally living within us. 

and that’s what was happening to me; I was letting little things grow into bigger things that were starting to consume me. all because I wanted to “keep the peace.” 

but while I was trying to keep the peace between people, I was losing peace within myself. 

this realization has brought to light that my silence shouldn’t be a determinant of my worthiness of love and care or companionship and that I’m only hurting myself when I am.

those that love me will hear me out and provide grace in order to move forward, and vice versa. 

in the midst of disappointment, I’ve had to remind myself: 

• i am worthy of platonic and romantic love. 

• i deserve quality sisterhood. 

• i will experience the best God has for me. 

• i will experience deep love that heals and nurtures my heart. 

there’s always a shedding before a planting. 

and when things leave, they’re only making space for the new. 

trust & believe that. 

side note: if you’ve been wondering where I’ve been, honestly, I’ve just been healing, plotting, resting, and praying.

i’ll have one more newsletter for you all before the month is out & will be back on IG in the New Year 💐

until then, I’m having some fun on TikTok + Linkedin (??) — who woulda thought 😉

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